“The complicated web from the outside world will slowly untangle, when you practise living from the inside out.”
I wasn’t planning on living a life being depressed, numbing myself with drugs so I didn’t have to process the emotions that I unconsciously didn’t want to feel. I never thought I was a person that could sink so far. I lowed myself. I was a failure. The grass was greener everywhere else.
I was stuck and for years I didn’t know how to get out of it. “What would people think of me if they’d know?” All that time the victim role wore my crown and ruled the kingdom that once belonged to a passionate and joyful man full of energy who made others smile.
On a not so special day darkness showed me a glimpse of my future was I to follow his path. It woke me up just as much to realise that I needed to make a U-turn. The excitement of this change of events and the horror of the image evil put in my head gave me something that I hadn’t felt in a long time: Hope!
At that moment for the very first time I could be sober with just me. It wasn’t easy and I failed at many attempts, but hope picked me up and made me not give up.
I was done with being stuck; feeling sorry for myself, acting as a “happy person” while internally I was deeply ashamed and all the other emotions I was desperately numbing myself from.
I guess everyone is different and everyone has his/her way of dealing with things, but talking to many people with burn out, depression, addiction and other issues that keeps you standing still, I noticed that there are some vital ingredients you need for this miracle potion to work.
- Willingness – Most clients I’ve spoken want to change but procrastinate because of some “big” reason or they have no clue why they don’t follow up. Most of them see what needs to be done, but “something” is holding them back.
My advice is here to really focus on the issue and avoid distractions. Observe your behaviour and scrutinise your excuses to procrastinate. “Do I really want this or am I waiting for something to rescue me?” This is something you got to do yourself. You have the power to change anything.
- Determination – A “wake up call” usually ignites a spark that fuels the engine to commit and act. In my case hope gave me the courage to get out of my “boehoe-role” I was stuck in and I developed a beautiful trust to follow a different direction.
My advice here is to start meditation. Practise to be still together with your spirit. Practise everyday, even though the chatter: “It’s not working, this is not for me, I don’t have time for this,” or any other resistance is coming from your mind or body with the attention to keep you right where you are: Stuck! The moment you connect with your spirit is the moment you see more clearly. You’ll embrace the idea of change and you’ll want to make authentic decisions.
- Awareness – I found that when you’re stuck, you’re tangled in a web of lies. It’s an illusion of fears, excuses and old presumptions that are not relevant anymore. By creating more awareness you’ll be able to get a clearer view of the situation that is now. All past and future worries, other agenda’s won’t have a say in your decision-making.
My advice here is to create Me-time everyday and do anything that makes you focused on you. A morning ritual is awesome for this. Observe the resistance in your mind & body (“I don’t have the time.”) and do it anyway. You’ll feel stronger day by day.
- Support – “Sharing is caring!” When you’re anything like me, pride and shame will prevent you from talking to your friends or even someone professional. “I can figure this out on my own!” The moment I got my three ingredients I automatically reached out for the fourth. First a professional and later I included my friends in my story and I was surprised by their support and understanding. “What kind of crap was I telling myself all these years? This voice I was following was so wrong.” This new revelation gave me strength to do my best to turn my life around.
My advice to you is to trust that sharing will get you unstuck. It is a major catapult into the right direction, so pick up the phone and call a friend, a coach or a therapist.
You’ll get stronger during and after the miracle potion and the victim role will eventually hand over the crown of your kingdom back to you.
Being stuck is not a shame! It happens to many of us. I see that now! The world that we live in has many influences. We live in extremes and life gives us many choices. It gets confusing! The biggest lesson I learned from this experience is that life from the inside out is a simpler life than living from the outside in. Living from the inside out provides more balance and gives fewer options to get stuck. The change that needs to be made is not easy but simple. Unfortunately our victim role thinks different about change.
Remember: “Sharing is caring!” So feel free to leave a comment below about getting unstuck.